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Top of the Tips 
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Joined: 15 Aug 2007, 11:43
Posts: 7270
Location: Hull, UK
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New book out Friday, called Top of the Tips, price £6.99. The Sun ran a feature about it today. ... wlers.html

IT'S the only "top tips" collection you need - if you're after a good laugh, that is.
Viz's infamous handy hints section offers silly solutions to non-existent problems.

And now the adults-only comic, featuring characters including Roger Mellie, has put more than 1,000 potty pointers from the past 30 years into one book. Here are some of the barmy best.

Save having to buy expensive personalised number plates by simply changing your name to match an existing plate - Mr KVL 741Y, Lincoln

Turn your greenhouse into a garden shed by boarding up the windows with spare floorboards.

Make your own glitter this Christmas by wrapping grains of sugar in kitchen foil.

That's Brill-o! ... Shredded Wheat and pink soap pad
After kids have mastered spelling with alphabet spaghetti, buy a tin of the normal stuff so they can practise joined-up writing.

Treat your cat by placing a mouse in a matchbox and feeding it milk powder. Your moggy will love the tasty "veal" mouse.

When travelling by bus, take a Polaroid pic of the queue so that when the bus arrives, rows about people pushing in can be easily settled.

Pretend your house is a pub by stubbing out cigs on the carpet, watering your plants with cans of beer and kicking your wife into the garden at 11.30pm.

Why pay the earth for jigsaws? Just grab a bag of frozen chips and try piecing together potatoes.

Toblerone bars make ideal toast racks for Ritz crackers.

Varnish digestive biscuits to make attractive, if slightly brittle, drinks coasters.

Motorists - keep a small black sponge in your car. If you get pulled over for using your mobile while driving, you can grab it and claim you were just cleaning the side of your face.

Recreate the fun of a public swimming pool visit at home by filling the bath with cold water, adding two bottles of bleach, then peeing in it, before jumping in.

Always keep haemorrhoid ointment and Deep Heat rub well separated in your bathroom cabinet.

Music lovers - always butter the non-reflective side of your CDs so that if you drop one, it lands butter side down, thus preventing scratches to the mirror side.

Make neighbours think they've seen a snake by wriggling on their lawn in a rolled-up carpet with a fork hanging from your mouth, making hissing noises.

Viz's Top Of The Tips is out on Friday, priced £6.99.

Beano and Dandy Comic Libraries and Fun-Sizes list

17 May 2010, 19:13
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